On Wednesday night, openly-gay 19 year-old sophomore Raymond Chase took his own life by hanging himself in his dorm room. He was studying culinary arts at Johnson & Wales University in Rhode Island. And he became a number in a terrifying list of gay child suicides this month.
In moments like this, it’s difficult to find more tears, more sorrow. It just goes straight through to anger now. But we cannot let any of these children just be another number. Each of them were special and important and striving to become something.
“Raymond Chase was a person who liked Harry Potter and Rugrats and was a member of the popular facebook group “I cant spell “bananas” without singing hollaback girl.” He’s not number five in a week of suicides, he’s a unique special person with friends and family who are devastated by his loss. He’s a gay college kid who sure seems happy but not that day, or maybe he’d never been, and something happened or something had always happened and he couldn’t do it.”
Tell his story. Read everything you can about him and when you tell his story, make sure he’s not just another number.
When you’re done with that, tell your story. Tell your story so that more young people see that they are not alone – we can fix this, but only if we are not doing it alone.
Please take a look at our post from yesterday regarding the resources available to us and what we can do to make a difference.
Talk About Equality 
Excellent post. I read that gay teens are ten times more likely to commit suicide than their straight peers. If this doesn’t break your heart, I don’t know what could.
Like you said, every one of them are people with someone that loves them. I hope any adult, gay or straight, who knows a gay teen will let them know that they are supported and loved.
Thank you for this.
Finally…you guys so deserve to be Freshly Pressed. Welcome to exposure! This is such a sad state of affair we’re in when some of us are driven to such desperate measures to escape torment for being true to ourselves. Bravo for bringing this to everyone’s attention. And for reminding us of the human side of what is quickly (sadly) becoming an epidemic.
Thanks so much! As I said before – unfortunately, it’s not an epidemic – this is the norm for LGBT kids – it’s just that this time around, it’s apparently newsworthy.
We had no idea what “Freshly Pressed” was until today – we’ve only been doing this for 7 days, so we’re still trying to find our way – thanks so much for the encouragement!
True…this really isn’t new. Perhaps the fact that people are finally paying attention is good news…though that unfortunately doesn’t stop it from happening. How many more kids are we going to lose until they feel accepted?
My 20 year-old son, Andrew Williamson-Noble, jumped to his death from the 10th floor of Bobst, NYU’s Library. Andrew was not Gay, was not on anything and he was not bullied, unless we consider the bullies of the mind.
I have been active in suicide awareness & prevention since. On Sept 18 I held the first “Get Your Wellness On” Suicide Awareness & Prevention Fair in Washington Square Park. Over 1000 people came and one life was saved, but no one has talked about it. I and others working with me have been going blue in the face trying to fuel a dialogue, I have even started an online petition to the media to try getting their attention on the subject of suicide – But it has been like shouting into a void. Even word press with their freshly pressed has been as silent and as helpful as a stone.
I pray that when the dust has settled what has happened will take us further along the road of a constructive dialogue. Let us respond, not react. Let us remember that suicide is suicide and that bullying is a suicide trigger across the board.
Esmeralda – Andrew’s Mummy
Founder
Get Your Wellness On – Suicide Awareness & Prevention
I have known quite a few people who have committed suicide. None of them because they were gay — that I know of. But here’s part of my story: http://wp.me/pY8MO-2R.
Crystal
http://www.crystalspins.com
When is society going to stop the crap and start loving each other as human beings? No matter “what” we are, we’re all humans first. Why is that so hard to understand?
Great post. I just wrote about Tyler Clemnti on my blog. I have family members and friends who are gay and I know how recent events have touched them.
The truly sad part of it all is that it takes an “epidemic” like this to get people talking about this. Instead of worrying about the Paris Hiltons and Lindsay Lohans of the world, we all need to take more time to worry about the Tylers and the Raymonds.
The sad part about this is it’s not at all an epidemic. This happens constantly, for some reason though – this time around it’s newsworthy. Thanks for spreading the word!
I so much agree with you, Christian. I have friends and relatives that are LG. God bless this poor guy’s family. I am sick and tired of hearing about some stupid celebrity’s life, I could care less. We need to focus on the kids near us, and try to help them. There is a movie that I watched where a Mother tried to change her gay son, and pushed him so much, and “beat him up”–emotionally, with the Bible; that he took his own life too. I believe that everyone has the right to be WHOEVER they choose to be, and SHAMING KILLS, ad ! This is another prime example of a poor child, that was different, taking his own life in desperation
Oooops, I entered when I meant to tab. I didn’t finish.
SHAMING NEVER HELPS, IT ONLY HURTS!
Thank you for this.
I truly believe that we would all be spared so much heartache in life if we knew that we could truly be ourselves without the judgment and condemnation of others.
I believe it starts with us to stop judging, learn to be accepting of our differences and show each other love until it catches on everywhere.
We need to get on this so that there are no more of these stories that need to be told.
We should LOVE everyone! NO matter what. It does not matter if we agree with what they do or not. We need to treat people with respect and love. Have charity!
We need to teach more pride in being who we are. More peer pressure is needed against gossipers, and people who tease, make fun of, and just bully others to elevate their own self, no matter who we are talking about, gays or anyone else.
People adults/kids need to stand up for other people when you hear negative things being said whether its a gay issue or any other issue, there are many. When you stand up for someone, as little of a gesture as it may seem at that moment, you let the ‘victim’ know that someone cares. You never know the power that gesture can hold, it may just save a life.
It’s tragic that they don’t think they have anywhere to turn, anywhere that’ll be “better”.
My heart weeps for the lost young ones, gay, straight and side-ways.
I am glad to see this issue being addressed, I hurt for people facing this. It’s an issue that needs to be looked at and never taken lightly or flippantly. Each soul lost in this way breaks my heart.
People are people, live and let live. How is it 2010 and people still can’t just accept each other?
Took the words right out my mouth. Couldn’t agree more.
Only a little over a month ago in my hometown, a young man ended his life by purposely driving his car into a viaduct. This was not after bullying from his peers, but rather, his parents’ inability to accept who he was. It’s just senseless.
I consdier you are so right we need to take some consideration as in to what is happening in the world around us. We need to try an I find a way to help these people out, and others that are going through things that are similar. People around the world need to understand that so much hate doesn’t lead to anything, but unhappiness for some people. Which in turn creates bigger problems. We need to learn to live, and accept people the way they are even if it is against our religion!
ITS ALWAYS THE GOOD LOOKING ONES TOO!! SUCH A SAD STORY!! WE NEED TO EDUCATE PEOPLE ON RESPECTING EACH OTHER NO MATTER WHAT MAKES THEM DIFFERENT!!
a lot of times, people don’t realize how demeaning their words are and how bad they hurt. i came out at a very young age in a town where homosexuality was frowned upon,and i suffered tremedously. my peers nearly broke me. a class-mate that i didn’t know came out to me shortly after, and the bond we formed was inseperable. without him, i would not be here today.
all it takes is a positive voice.
Yeah, tell a story and do else. That’s how it goes. Give me just one hour and I’ll show you how full of hatred you can be – and then I am going to ask you to give me a hug or to show me the ‘love’ you have for everyone.
This boy didn’t got the guts if he just killed himself because of his sexual preferences. That’s sad but all. Every human of this planet has its own problems no matter if he is gay or she is pregnant. Blame yourself for this silly log.
This post a big eye-opener. Thank you for it- you deserve to be freshly pressed. If only the rest of the world was as considerate as you.
Thank you for pointing out that this is nothing new. I also do not know why this hasn’t been “news” long before now.
May these and all who have been there find peace, rest, and acceptance. My heart goes out to the families and friends of those who are no longer with us.
Reach out to those around you. None of us knows what is going on inside someone else’s head.
thanks for this post
Thanks for an informative post and congrats on getting freshly pressed. Perhaps this will reach someone who needs to hear they are not alone.
Thank you for remembering the person and not the statistic. My heart hurts for these young boys and girls that don’t believe it’ll ever get better or easier. Just wish that the message that It Does and It Will can get to them before its too late.
This is very sad,all tho i don’t know him or live anywhere close to where he did,this must be really upsetting to not just his family but to anyone who knew or knew of him.but R.I.P
This is another sad story to read about. I just read of the Rutgers student who jumped from the George Washington Bridge to his death after intimate moments with his boyfriend were streamed live over an internet chat board. In the 21st century, there should be no reason why anyone like these men think they must kill themselves out of shame they feel about their sexuality. There is nothing wrong with them. They are normal human beings who love, laugh, cry, bleed, and live.
I believe that now is the time, if ever, for things to change in this country. You are right when you say these people are not numbers. They are humans like all the rest of us. One step towards a perfect world would be the day when the news no longer has to report about tragedies like this one.
What an amazing blog! I agree, it’s beyond the point of sad, and it just makes me angry that ignorance and intolerance is still so rampant in our society.
Congrats on FP!
Thank-you for this post. I’m a mother of two young boys (age 7 and 4) and I think it is really important that we talk about being gay to our younger children so it is normal to them, rather than something they find out about in the playground or as teenagers. Maybe then it wouldn’t be such a big deal.
I completely agree with the sentiment of this post, but I have to say – a 19-year old at university is not a child. I young adult, sure – but not a child.
This young man was very clearly not ready to cope with the world he was dropped into. It is certainly unfair that he was forced to cope at all, but life isn’t fair.
We are never going to eliminate evil and intolerance from the world – and we do a major disservice to all children by pretending that we can protect them forever.
This story is very sad, but not just because this young man was the victim of intolerance. It is sad because he was also the victim of a society that failed to prepare him for realities that he, as an adult, was going to have to face.
bullying should be made punishable by law. I don’t know how long it is going to take people to understand that being gay does not define a person just like being straight does not define the rest of us. Thanks for the post
At least in my country (Brazil), actually, in one of the states, we have a law against it. It’s just amazing, because it’s a retrograde country (talking about equality).
Thanks for the thoughtful post. There is a startling number of young boys and girls being literally bullied to death by homophobes.
In April, I blogged about the tragically similar story of 11-year-old Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover who killed himself after being taunted as being gay. In this case Carl hung himself and his mother found his body.
http://jeffwinbush.com/2010/04/06/carl-joseph-walker-hoover-bullied-to-death-by-accusations-he-was-gay/
People need to be woken up from their slumber. Kids and young people are being destroyed from this hatred. It can be ended if we have the will to offer love and understanding instead of scorn and indifference.
As somebody who lost her brother to suicide, I can unfortunately understand how his family must be feeling at this time. I feel so bad for him and his family, and their loneliness, grief, and questions… praying for peace for this family and hoping this serves as a wake-up call to the people who feel like it’s acceptable to treat another human like this.
Hey, really great post.I agree with that what you said. Thanks
We have just honored World Suicide Prevention Day around the world. Inspite of all our hard work there are still people like Raymond taking their lives.
I am sharing this post with the event fans on Facebook and not just friends.
I also want others who know of him or know him to be aware of what is being done around the world right now.
I have also just written a post on suicide prevention in adolescents. You can view it in the blog itself.
Damn. Another one bites the dust I guess.
This angers me! I place blame on the black church and culture – indirectly. Certainly, I cannot directly place blame; however, I know too well the struggle. Eddie Long and numerous pastors spew vile homophobic rhetoric from pulpits, tv, radio, to include the social police who vilify us at every opportunity.
Religionist are guilty for the suicide of Raymond Chase. As judge and jury, I condemn them to life without parole in HELL! Now, I feel better.
You should not dismiss the fact that this is by no means a black issue. There are plenty of pulpits spewing hate…and plenty that aren’t.
If hatred is the cause, then how are we going to fix it by adding more hatred.
Just some things you might want to consider that you clearly haven’t already…
I’m sorry that you feel that the black church is the cause of this young man’s death, but we are not. God loves everyone and as Christians we are not here to hurt anyone. (I know plenty of Christians do tend to hate gay people and make them feel like crap because they are gay, and that is wrong of us.) No we aren’t suppose to support it either. We should befriend you who are dealing with homosexuality and tell you about God’s healing love and His grace and mercy. After we tell you about God and how He can help restore you back to who He created you to be (heterosexual), then all we can do is pray for you and hope that you soften your heart to Him and allow Him to help you. The only thing is you have to be willing to let Him in and change you because God is not controlling, He gives all of us choices. We can choose to do what He says is right or we can go against Him and His word, and when we do that we open ourselves up to the devil and all His tricks and the devil will allow you to think wrong is right and right is wrong! I’m not going to condemn you for your sin. I’m just going to pray that you allow God to come in to you and change your life!
God loves you and so do I!I encourage you to pick a Bible and read 1Corinthians all of chapter 6. Then read read Titus 2: 9-15.
God Bless
Dione, your ‘loving’ words are not. I appreciate that you most likely really feel that you are helping people, but I implore you to listen to a LGBTQ Christian or Christian ally to hear how horrifying your language and theology are. Bullying and heteronormative theology go hand in hand. I am a born again Christian and some of the best moments of my Christian life have been while I worship among my LGBTQ friends (at MCC churches).
If you want to learn more about non-heteronormative Christianity check out http://www.visionsofdaniel.net/ as a good starting point.
The messaging of ‘God wants you to be straight’ that comes from pulpits and well meaning Christians is wrong, condescending, shaming, bad theology, and thankfully has been exposed for the sham it is.
Ryan
In no way do I intend to disrespect the family of the deceased or minimize the pain surrounding Raymond’s death, but I want to point out that there is a major underlying supposition behind the majority of these articles (and comments) that is unfounded. Namely, that suicides committed by homosexuals are caused directly by intolerance, prejudice, harassment, and otherwise homophobic attacks.
Firstly I want to point out that college campuses are hostile to everybody. If you hold any sort of values or beliefs, and have any sense of identity (which we all do), you are sure to have those values and beliefs challenged in a number of ways, and consequently your identity will be threatened along with it. By that statement I am certainly not condoning violence as an acceptable means of challenging someone’s beliefs- I am merely making the point that college (and college age) is an emotionally difficult environment (and time) for the majority of people, homosexual, heterosexual, or otherwise. Motivation for suicide can come from many directions in this environment, and homosexuals are not the only ones to whom this threat applies.
Therefore, it is unfair to automatically assume that Raymond (or any other homosexual, for that matter) committed suicide BECAUSE OF anti-homosexual attitudes and behaviors, especially when there is an absence of a journal and/or suicide note that would support such an assumption.
Could we at least consider that there are other possible motivations behind a homosexual’s suicide? What if homosexuality intrinsically leads to deep feelings of guilt, depression, and hopelessness regardless of the opinions of loved ones and peers? If that were not the case at all, and a homosexual had a reason entirely separate from his or her homosexual identity in deciding to end their life, would you be satisfied with that, or would you search for some way to connect their suicide with the fact that some people simply disagree with homosexuality? Be honest with yourself. I am not trying to project this attitude onto you, but if this happens to be you, please recognize it and consider if it is at all reasonable.
Of course, I am not trying to eliminate the possibility of anti-homosexual harassment being the main culprit in driving a homosexual to suicide; I am simply asking you to consider the possibility of something different.
In the name of “open-mindedness”, please be open to the possibility of an explanation that is different than (and possibly contradictory to) the one you are emotionally committed to.
Thank you
Thanks for your thoughtful comment, Sasha. Your point is taken and it is entirely possible that young Raymond was going through the same things many college-aged kids go through. But when you look at this past month (which is unfortunately no different than any other month, it’s just this time around, the stories got some attention), you see children ranging from 13-21 who have taken their own lives – many of whom, it was certainly documented that they couldn’t stand to live anymore because of these attitudes and this bullying.
It’s easy to say that any teenager goes through turmoil and is bullied for one reason or another, but statistics tell us that even though LGBT people only represent 5-10% of the population, they represent 33-38% of all teen suicides. There’s no way to ignore that correlation.
Yes, people disagree with people being gay – and to be honest, that is at the heart of the problem. We have teachers, preachers, and even parents, brothers and sisters telling these young children that there is something wrong with them. We have society as a whole – from TV shows and films where they gay people are either villains or dying from AIDS or being beaten to death -never living happy lives. We have posters at Banana Republic of a lovely young straight couple happily wearing their sweaters laying in a pile of leaves – no images of happy gay couples. For that, we have to search.
So yes, these children suffer from depression, but that depression could be avoided if society would accept children for who they are instead of breeding intolerance and hatred for other people.
It’s so sad that Raymond Chase took his own life by hanging himself in his dorm room. This is a trend that needs to stop.
This is heart-breaking. We are a homophobic society.
A young violinist jumped from the George Washington Bridge after a friend “outed” him online.
How are raising our children to be such homophobic bigots?
Why do we care so much about who sleeps with who?
The post is short but its effect on audiences will hopefully last forever. Such a sad story with an extremely inspiring ending. Great job on this one and my best wishes to his family and friends. Much love.
May he rest in peace.
This is tragic. I just posted a blog about the same thing, encouraging people to check out YouTubes campaign, called “it gets better”. I cried like a baby at some of the stories, very compelling.
So Sad. I think we must be ever careful of the habits we can fall into that effect others. My 14 year old son has me, a lesbian, as his mum. As such he has avoided homophobic tendencies and thinks its silly. But I heard him knocking Muslims the other day and had to remind him that for a lot of folks prejudice starts not so much as hatred but as thoughtlessness based on ignorance that then turns into a habit.
Personally I think we need a new habit. http://leesis.wordpress.com/2010/10/02/constant-kindness-not-random/
Keep up the good work…cheers Leesa
This is truly sad yes we all can help in some way or another. May he rest in peace.
this “suicide,” this radical self-erasure, this self-killing, this self-annihilation on behalf of heteroPower further implodes my sense of Self as a Queer man of Color. The scene of “suicide” is not a scene of a radical willing to escape, to die; rather, it is a scene of a hetero-desire to eliminate heterosexuality’s Other/s in order to persist intact, to eliminate those (anti)bodies that dare speak and move, to articulate that which heterosexuality negates, disavows…to persist through “no homo” discursive spasms…We Queers are anti-bodies, we supposedly reside in the symbolic, in fantasy, in pure discourse, in excesses, beyond The Body that the regime of heteronormativity has captured as its object of mastery…we are anti-bodies that dare deterritorialize sexually gendered norms that constitute The Body, we threaten the existence of The Body that is heterosexual…We dare enact and live the power of the erotic, to feel, to enjoy our carnality, we persist in actualizing, in enfleshing our bodies against heteronormativity’s persistence in dispossessing us of our bodies… We are anti-bodies.
Heterosexuality must contain, must eliminate its shadow (anti)bodies that dare bear and live, embody the ‘truth’ of that which it negates, disavows, and relegates to “no homo!” utterances… “suicide” is a misnomer in this context of young queer death…this is systematic killing of queer (anti)bodies via the Self, a radical turn against one’s Self… “Suicide” is a scene of self-elimination on behalf of heteroPower. Raymond Chase didn’t commit “suicide”, he was murdered. He and many others have been asked, told, convinced to turn themselves against their Selves.
this is a not a “crisis”..this is just a hyper-moment of awareness that yet fails to critically capture the systematic destruction of Queer bodies.
Please, let’s not pathologize, objectify the subject(s) of “suicide”..that just works in further elaborating systems of normativity, of what is deemed normal and monstrous…”depression” and such objectifying categories only further displaces critical recognition away from actual structures of domination that seek the destruction of those whom threaten their stability.
This is so sad. I tried everyday that I was a high school teacher to support all of my children and hold a standard in my classroom of no harassment of any find and true equality. It was frightening how many students thought that excluded numerous other students and groups and were constantly shocked when I called them on it. I can only hope that other people in contact with children would at the very least abide by the laws of this country and and keep their beliefs out of the classroom. More than that I would hope that they would try to do their job by caring for all of the students who walk through their doors.
I send my love and thoughts to all the students who feel they are with out a place to feel safe and someone who loves them for who they really are.
it’s sad to read about things like this, because i have a 13 year old who is in a psy dorm now for thinking about committing suicide last week because his mother will now except him wanting to be gay. she thinks it’s my fault because i did not criticize him about his sexuality. im not worried about him being gay, im worried that someone that does nott approve of that life style will harm him. im truly sorry for any family that has to endure a loss.
coci: that’s really sad. as i just wrote on another comment, as a child your world is so small. what goes on in school, and the rejection of your parents affects a child so much deeper, because there seems to be no escape, where can you go to escape bullying? church? home? school?
as a woman who was once a child who was teased, i know the helpless, hopeless feeling that comes along with the possibility of being void a parents love and nurturing, and being sent out into schools, playgrounds, community for bullies to throw hurtful words at you that take your breath away sometimes. parental love and nurturing is like a shield–a cushion of sorts, it softens the blow of other things life may throw at you. how could any parent take that away from a child, because of who he or she may grow to love?
Really great post. Thanks for adding Ellen’s message too because she really worded it very well. It’s such a sad reality for so many kids and it’s a growing problem that needs to be addressed in schools. Unfortunately, too many adults ignore the facts until it’s too late. It seems that ignorant people like to bash any ideal that doesn’t fit in their way of a “normal” existence. Sepi.
http://journalbysepi.wordpress.com/
I’m lesbian and I find all this truly sad, because it seems like LGBT’s, especially gays, are having a much harder time in the US. Here in Hong Kong, at least in single-sex girl schools, lesbians and tomboys are accepted and most don’t get bullied.
Any opposition I get is normally from people who refuse to sit beside me on the bus because I am a tomboy, or when I get weird looks on the streets.
At school, we have normal friends and study normally. There is nothing that separates me from you except for the fact that I have preferred girls over boys since birth, which I can’t explain.
Also, please don’t blame it all on religion. Christianity itself has good intentions, I think, when you look at its teachings on how to treat people. I try to live the Christian life according to the Bible. It’s the literals who take the Bible word-for-word that they condemn LGBT, but they have totally forgotten that the essence of religion lies in the belief that we are all equal in the eyes of God.
I live in the community in California where the young school boy 15, shot a schoolmate, a boy of 13, for being gay. The trial is going on now, but it isn’t being covered in our paper.
The truth is until GLTB people are fully equal before the law, they’ll never be regarded as fully equal in society.
People’s actions toward GLTB stem from the very real legal inequities that exist in our country.
That so many people fixate on bullying or bigotry or self-harm and miss the fact that these things stem from the injustices of our legal code really disturbs me.
If the law discriminates against a group, of course parts of society are going to feel free to do the same. It’s simple human nature. The law is telling people “you don’t have to value these groups.”
Only when the law said African-Americans were fully equal,and truly meant it, did that community begin to see a downturn in violence and bigotry toward it.
Only when the law says GLTB people are fully equal and means it, are we going to see a downturn in violence and bigotry, as well as self-harm born of despair.
I can’t believe Obama hasn’t asked even 1 Congressperson to introduce federal legislation that grants full equality to GLTB persons and their families. It’s one of the great failures of his 1st term.
How many more American citizens have to die because no one is standing up for their fundamental human rights? Only the courts can decide.
Omg!!
This news hit me like a big yellow school bus and it is actually sad to hear this because i have gay friends tht are being bullyed and tormented.Also its just one less unique person in the world!!!Heaven here comes one more angel!!!
I’m not even going to pretend that I know what it’s like to be LGBT, but I do know what it’s like to feel like ending your own life. It is by far the worst feeling imaginable. Knowing that you shouldn’t be depressed yet not knowing how to get yourself out of the rut was hell for me. You know it’s a “permanent solution to a temporary problem,” “selfish” and whatever else people try to brush it off as, but it’s a lot easier to say that when your emotions aren’t completely out of whack. You will somehow manage to convince yourself that the world is better off without you, and it’s hard to overcome that.
I try to reach out to those who feel the same way I did. I wish no one else would have to go through the same crap I did, but that’s not going to change anytime soon. The best I can do is tell them to talk to a doctor, psychologist, or call a hotline and get help. There is a way out, and there are people who will help you through it.
I hate to bust your little ‘liberal circle-jerk’ that you have going on in your comments section, but people who COMMIT SUICIDE are MENTALLY ILL. Do you post about straight people who take their life? Of course you don’t.
When you have women who dress and try to act like men and & (&)– That’s not normal behavior .i.e its called an identity crisis. Liberal Speak: Well, they’re born that way and can’t help it. People are born with schizophrenia, the way society is degenerating, we will soon be classifying schizophrenia as some kind of societal norm, well they’re born that way so its normal, psychopaths are born psychopaths, well, they can’t help it, treat it as a social norm… (shakes head)
oh dear I am sorry you were hurt. Most of what you are saying is simply not accurate. Not about sexuality nor mental illness. My friend heal your hurts and then inform yourself
You are right no matter how we feel, committing suicide is a sign mental illness and sure trying to a man while nature created you a female is another illness lets face that facts thanks
Wow this really hurts to hear. We are not a societal norm, we know that, and it’s not like we’re trying to convert everyone into homosexuals, we know how it feels. But hmm, are schizophrenics and psychopaths equal before the law?
Why should we be treated as different when the only difference is that we have different sexual preference? We don’t depend on welfare, we don’t hurt people and we try to lead normal lives.
And honestly, identity crisis? I dress differently according to my own preference, so that people can bully, mock at and scorn me, giving me blow after blow at my self-esteem? Before you say such hurtful comments can you use your logic first. Please.
Please do not be hurt by words such as those.
Some people need boxes around them to feel sane. They get terribly threatened when anything threatens that box and as a 47 year old lesbian I can tell you being gay effects many many peoples boxes.
In understanding this we can leave people to their messy hate without personalising thus feeling hurt.
Logic can not be used when emotions are in turmoil. One must be patient with such vulnerability but clearly understand THEY ARE SAYING NOTHING ABOUT US AND EVERYTHING ABOUT THEMSELVES.
Thank you for this post. This recent rash of gay children committing suicide is truly heartbreaking. The world is so polarized right now, so full of hate and fear. No one should feel that because of their own personal understanding of self, they are no longer worthy of life.
There should be no such thing as a “gay child”. C’mon, they don’t even know what to DO with it, and to allow ‘children” to declare themselves “gay” is enabling a behavior that is rooted in rebelliousness and can be expressed in more constructive and inclusive ways. Ridiculous.
There can be a gay child as much as there can be a blond child or a blue-eyed child. The moment you start understanding that no one just “declares” that they are gay, they either are or they aren’t – maybe less kids will stop killing themselves. Maybe they’ll stop seeing who they are attracted to as something wrong with them.
I totally disagree. As a man of the Baby Boomer generation who was raised by a father and mother of the GI generation. To allow our youth to besmirch their lives so early with heavy sexually-oriented choices before they are fully formed adults shows how far the morals of this country have slipped. I was one of the “protesters” of the 1970s agains Vietnam, et al., so not a prude by any means. My Dad wouldn’t have tolerated it if I rebelled by saying, “I’m gay so take THAT!” Some tough love is in order more often than people will admit these days. Nice post though.
I’m impressed with your thoughts. It’s never “cool” to degrade people.
Yes, this is a very sad story, because someone has lost their life. As a Christian I don’t condone the gay lifestyle because my job is not to hate people, but hate their sin. What people need to realize is that when someone feels that they are it is a spirit of homosexuality. That spirit tells you that you like men when you are a man or vice versa for women. People need to realize that the part of you saying this is not me or the part of you that says I’m not gay is God trying to talk to you. Unfortunately, if the individual is not in the church and being receptive to God’s grace the voice telling them that they are gay gets louder and they take it on as true. When that’s not the case! Then they start having these internal battles within where they feel depressed and all these other feelings and the devil is so busy he begins to tell them to take their own life. In the name of Jesus I pray that anyone struggling with homosexuality and reading this will be delivered. Here is a poem from a girl who gave her life to God and has been delivered from homosexuality and her attraction to men has also been restored!
God Bless anyone struggling with homosexuality and I encourage you to go and find a local church and give your life to God and watch Him change your life!
I’m sorry, but since we have a policy to approve all comments, we did decide to approve this one, but we do not have a policy to not respond when someone’s words are precisely what causes these kids to kill themselves.
I have been gay since I was born. I have been to church – to churches that tell others to ACTUALLY love one another. You can claim the “love the sinner, hate the sin” game as much as you like, but that is what causes people to hate themselves. It is not the “devil” that causes this conflict within gay people, it is people like you – religious zealots – who continue to tell people their actions are wrong and evil. I am a gay man – I am not just someone who commits gay acts. It is part of who I am – and you, or any preacher that thinks that I am evil for doing so, that is your problem, not mine.
It is not God who causes this conflict within people, it is the misguided followers of God who believe it is their sole purpose on earth to abuse their fellow people with their interpretations of what He said. So please, spread YOUR word elsewhere. I’ll be over here loving my boyfriend and loving the God I know loves me back.
this cannot be serious!!! Leave these kids alone and enjoy your heaven based on who someone sleeps with.
I have had 3 close friend take their own lives. I can tell from the warmth of the post he was extraordinary! I truly believe the most trouble are the most intelligent, their minds are so active it literally drives them somewhat unstable. God bless him!
“the most troubled people” is what I meant
My sister committed suicide on Sept 20th. She was schizophrenic. The aftermath is fucking brutal and the guilt at still being alive is impossible to describe. If you know someone who’s considering it, for whatever reason, do whatever you can to stop them. If you’re considering it for yourself, you got no idea what you’re about to do to the people who love you. There are many reasons people commit suicide, and judging them after the fact isn’t going to help anyone, and will only make those who are left behind suffer more. My heart goes out to his family. Believe me, they’re in hell right now.
Such an important topic. Suicide is something which is not made a priority in society, and gay teen suicide is even more of an issue.
I am so sorry for this young life.
Cruelness has eyes that are sewn shut, therefore cruelness cannot be seen as if its coming from the other side. Its so sad that not everyone can withstand the pressure of getting attacked for being who they are, especially when the right person isn’t there to save them from their unhealthy head place.
So sad. It happens everywhere all the time. Some of these stories are never told.
i thought gay people are already accepted in the states. i never thought that there is a large number of these kinds of cases.
I can’t stand another one of these stories … Raymond sounded like such a sweet kid! Don’t know what was going on with him, but I sure hope it was nothing like what prompted Tyler Clementi to jump off the GW bridge.
See my post 10/1 at What Gives 365 (http://whatgives365.wordpress.com) on that tragedy.. and what might be driving the kids who are dehumanizing gay kids …thanks for the thoughtful article!
Such a shame that in this century it is not more socially acceptable to be gay. Perhaps, since colleges are the places where people find out the most about themselves they should be doing more to provide services that help kids cope (not just with being gay but life in general). Just a thought.
I hope that with all these comments it opens some eyes because like someone commented before, this a growing problem. Obviously there are not enough people addressing the problem. The more suicides we hear the more kids are going to see that as a way out. I’m not sure how much information is available out there but there should be more. Either that or make the information more accessible.
Thanks for the post. Truly sad that another human being committed suicide. Why can’t everyone just get along with each other and treat others as you would like to be treated. Regardless or sexual orientation, we are all part of the human race.
http://www.moneyprovidesfreedom.wordpress.com
Heartbreaking. Sometimes it is hard to have faith in the human race.
I liked this post…As an alum and a member (employee) of the Johnson & Wales University community we are devastated by the loss of one our students this past week, especially on the heels of a horrible week of similar tragedies! Our University is rallying together to grieve this terrible loss and remembering his contriutions to our campus. My thoughts and prayers are with his family during this very difficult time. No one, regardless of their life choices, should be bullied, harrassed, whatever and I am so sad that he didn’t feel like he could go on and that he wasn’t able to find the support and help that he needed.
Sadly bullying of any sorts at College goes on, it’s just called “Hazing” and sort of brushed aside with only slight reprimands. My friend was straight but suffered terrible stuff because he outed his frat for hazing. On the 2 hour ride back from their chapter conference, where he related the hazing issue, They beat him black and blue, threw him in a tub of cold water and ice, and called him every name in the book. My friend, Ben Klein, later took a 40 and pills and drowned himself in a river behind his dorm at Alfred University. He was found 3 days later. The culprits now have Misdemeanor assault charges on their record ( the DA did pursue manslaughter because the suicide happened after the beating and other incidents). It took this incident for Alfred University to finally change their policies around Hazing.
This really bothers me. Why can’t people just leave us alone. I am a girl and I’m bisexual. But personally I don’t usually get trashed on, but its so sad and brings me to tears when someone commits suicide because of inconsiderate people…
We should stop seeing suicide as something negative: http://andreasmoser.wordpress.com/2010/09/15/world-suicide-prevention-day-on-10-september/
As time passes we see this more and more often. The result? Many people don’t even care anymore. For them, it’s just another story shown in the tv.
This is so sad
Our News Stations have been broadcasting their stories this week and what a tragic loss of life. Bullying touches everyone and it is everywhere and yes it needs to be stopped. You never know where life will take you and what the universe has planned for you – my husband Mike is a recent transplant recepient we never questioned the race, colour, religion or sexual preferances of his organ donor what we do know is that his organ donor was a human being just like us. Please check out my What If blog at http://myangellou.wordpress.com/ you may find inspiration.
I just read a story several days ago regarding a homosexual student who committed suicide after a dormmate posted video of him “fooling around” with another man online. It’s terrible that instances like this still happen nowadays.
Thank you for posting this I lost my brother to suicide and a best friend. The numbers are going up we need dedicated people to share there story reach out and help. I see that you are one of them and this means the world.
Thank you.
We have had 2 suicides in our community it 1 week. We knew both children well. I feel for the families in your blog right now. I am devastated and rumors have begun about more suicides and it has gotton way out of control. I just felt the need to share my page that I am using to help with my grieving process.
http://ivysdragonflyimages.wordpress.com/
Great post. thanks.
As a parent and an education consultant deeply concerned about the bullying and harassment in our schools (and outside as well), these recent suicides have raised the level of discussion about our young people and their behavior across multiple areas. Clearly, something is terribly wrong and we — the adults — must mobilize to start determining what and how to begin to change things.
There is no question that technology and the obsession with it plays a part in enabling a young person to think and do without the “stop gap” measure of evaluating whether it is appropriate *and* the consequences of their actions. Children as young a 7-years-old are on Facebook posting information about their classmates. Students in high school are bullying peers via the internet and destroying lives in the process.
Where are the values these kids have learned at home about respect, tolerance, and acceptance? Where are the parents limiting internet access — regardless of age — and being “friends” with their kids on Facebook to monitor activities (their child’s and others)?
If the wake-up call is not now, then when.
Omg, this is just sad 😦 *sigh*.
My heart is with you
This is such a sad thing,I’m am so sad right now,be cuz lots of kids are out there now,have stress problems,and i know that parents can cause it,and I know it sounds stupid,but sometimes parents not listening to their children can cause stuff like this,so please try to listen parents,cuz your child might be trying to tell you something,you just don’t know it…………
In Australia, we have mentoring programs throughout some (unfortunately not all) of the schools, where adults volunteer their time and go into the school to meet their mentee each week for 90 minutes for 12 months (or more). It is an amazing opportunity for the for the mentor and mentee to establish a safe friendship where the child can open up and talk about ANYTHING that is bothering them. Unless it is a duty of care issue, the sharing remains between the two. Do you have this in the USA? It is a fairly lengthy process to become involved, yet it is incredibly worthwhile. We have seen a couple of young people who had wanted to end their lives, turn around and choose to live.
Wonderful article, so great to see it was freshly pressed! Thank you.
Excellent post. I read that gay teens are ten times more likely to commit suicide than their straight peers. If this doesn’t break your heart, I don’t know what could.
It’s heartbreaking and mind boggling to see that people feel that they have to take their own lives because of the criticism and judgmental ways of thinking that they are exposed to while they are living. We live in a society where people feel so isolated that the only thing they recognize is an escape. After the recent incidents I wrote a piece on my blog at: http://powerfulpolitics.wordpress.com/
For Tyler Clementi and others….
Do we really have to cater to undesirable dishes that nobody wants to serve or eat?
It’s a shame that human kind treats some kinds of humans like they are under their feet.
Walking on their emotions, souls and their very existence. Forcing them to feel as if they have fell short of the grace of the alter.
Echoing the ignorance of those who lynched people because of the color of their skin.
Screaming in the voices of leaders who contaminate the minds of the masses sending people to holocausts and genocide.
Denying rights like those who worked so hard to make sure that Blacks and Whites shared separate fountains and separate classrooms.
Burning through equality like matches burned through crosses.
Denying living to people who are alive by telling them that they shouldn’t be afforded the same luxuries.
Judging-there are no Gods in nikes, or polo shirts. No Gods in pews or the Catholic Church. No Gods in hell or here on earth, so don’t act as if your address ends in Heaven, with 00000 as the zip code.
Exploitation through inequality. Exposing people and taking away their privacy, only to cause them to feel isolated.
Why so you can publicly humiliate them and publicize what is considered to be a fault?
An assault against minorities and people who are considered to be inferior.
Facebook, internet punching somebody in the face. Myspace, infiltrating the space of others and claiming it, making it your space. The internet has disconnected us so much from the world and the people who share the same existence as us that we victimize people. Animals on keyboards, devils in front of screens, going so far to create instant ignorance that we fail to hear the screams.
Pay no attention or no mind, to the hatred that we build up just to create impressive timelines on twitter. For the lives that have been lost because of pages that have no life. Fuel existence through energy don’t continue to run on empty.
Do we really have to allow our minds to be manipulated by machines that we are supposed to control? A video camera in the hands of a mindless being is more deadly than any gun, according to the impact it had on…Tyler Clementi.
Face reality. Avoid creating space because of differences. Tweet love not hate. On the internet, control make sure you navigate.
Rest in peace bro
You got me. You really got me. I went to that school, I used to work at that school. I fleetingly overheard of a recent suicide by a young person somewhere. I logged in to WP and your post was there, I read it and my heart missed a beat. Even the furniture in that room in that pic looks familiar to me. Thank you for your post, for the title, for the content. Otherwise, I don’t believe I’d even know his name was Raymond. I will be making calls this week. There’s something I can do, I don’t know what yet, but thanks to you I will find out.
Thanks so much for your reply. We often wonder what kind of a difference we rally can make with a blog. Thanks for letting us know we’ve made one.
Pain is heavy and wears many masks. After a while it gets tiring. It can win, smother us, when we can’t find relief.
Your post is really important.
One of the reasons I support maintaining Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is because of a suicide attempt by a soldier suspected of being gay. He was in my platoon during Basic Training, and after a few weeks began to be picked on because of these suspicions. He asked me to go with him to speak to the Drill Sergeant about the harassment, and based on the Drill Sergeant’s response it was clear to me that he did not think this was a big deal. A couple of months later during Advanced Individual Training, where we learn our military occupation, this soldier was found bloodied in a bathroom stall, apparently from cutting his wrists. If DADT is repealed too soon, we will see many more soldiers attempt suicide, and many more soldiers seriously injured due to fights or “accidents”.
With DADT this man was driven to hurting himself and possible suicide – how does this support keeping the rule?
DADT creates an environment where being gay is considered a secret and therefore shameful. This man is probably living in constant fear of being dobbed in and kicked out.
If it were removed it wouldn’t solve all the harrassment, but I think it would help a lot.
This kid was harassed simply for being suspected of being gay. I am not sure how him being openly gay will decrease the harassment. Is it your experience that people who are openly gay face less harassment than people who are secretly gay?
Great Post! Sad how things are going today, and I read about an article saying gay people tend to be more suicidal because of their status in the society.
Precise post-right to the point. Mitch makes a partially valid point. These were both young men (very young men), but why was it that they didn’t feel they had anywhere else to turn, any other resources? I was talking this over with my mother, and she wondered why, in Tyler’s case (who had parents who loved and supported him), that he couldn’t have handled the outcome differently. Why, for example, couldn’t he have called his parents? Did they ever talk over the situations (some negative) he would face in the world? I understand with suicides there are a lot of “whys”. I grew up HORRIBLY BULLIED without knowing what made me different. It would take years to get a diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome (high-functioning autism). Autism carries stigma. I lost all the support of my family, save for my parents. I lost my dad. It was so much for a teen to cope with that I tried to take my own life-several times. The media only cared about small children facing the “epedemic” at the time (and mostly still does). No support, much ignorance. Ignorance breeds fear. Some choose to exercise their reaction to fear through hating. Parents need to help their kids prepare for the realities of life, yes, but sometimes parents desperately need help, and they don’t know where to turn or have no place to turn. My mom didn’t. Even with support groups , their can become a cult mentality, a “do as we do”, or the individual seeking help is bullied.I was through electronic methods. People also hate who they consider not to be “cool” for their reasons, or bully out of self-hate. If there isn’t a reason, they will invent one.
The suicides of young gay people makes me wonder what kind of young people we’re raising.
Are they intolerant, insecure, fearful of people who are different from them?
I find it highly ironic that Ravi and Wei, the two idiots who pulled the tragic “prank” are also from minority groups.
Homophobia is wrong, and I think what happened is about more than homophobia. It’s about Ravi and Wei’s twisted need to belong and fit in, at the expense of harassing someone else who is of even lower status.
Such a deep and tragic story. Breaks my heart when anyone so young and full of promise leaves this earth too soon.
You might want to go back and review some of the comments – and then TURN MODERATION ON for comments. Some of the comments on here are just hateful and they are the very spirit of the bullying that has been discussed.
This is a great resource and I plan to share it with several groups I know of.
Congratulations on being freshly pressed – especially since this blog is in it’s infancy. That rocks!!
I am the mother of a 20 year old college student who also took his life 5 years ago. The pain never goes away. Mike was a wonderful human being – talented in art and writing, funny, witty, smart, and the apple of my eye. He suffered from mental illness (deep depression among other issues). People die from mental illness (depression) just like they die from cancer. People can also be helped, and saved from depression (and other mental illnesses) just like they can be saved from cancer. I wish for the world to all realize that. Get help. Be sympathetic. Be supportive.
I love you Mike, and I miss you dearly!
-mom
Some people are starting to wonder if going away to college is such a good thing for youth. They are more immature than ever. And the bullying and taunting never stops. This is happening too frequently for it to be taken lightly. The root of the problem has to be reached.
Suicide is a crime against God. It is sad that these people feel like they don’t belong. There are homosexuals everywhere, they even have their own little communities throughout the nation. These young adults are not children and they know that there are places to go where they will be welcomed and treated like they are normal. Suicide is a way out of all the terrible things that they go through. But then there are a lot of other places that they can go that would be a way out. They committed murder, they took a human life, they took a son away from their mother, they took a lover away from his partner. I cannot feel sorry for someone who takes their own life. Life is hard and unfair. Suicide is not the right answer, it is the wrong answer. Suicide is a selfish and cowardly act and any adult who commits it will not have my sympathy.
I worked for twenty-four years in psychiatry and I can only say you are indeed blessed by your god to never have experienced depression. SO firstly, in clinical depression the three major symptoms in thinking are hopelessness, helplessness and worthlessness. In this state how easy is it to just ‘go out and get help’? It is nigh impossible.
Furthermore, young folk haven’t had the time to understand that ‘this too will change’.
So they sit in absolute agony, told by folk about crimes against god, feeling abnormal, feeling no one will understand them and understanding that being different wounds people they only want to impress, coping out and out abuse, etc etc etc.
Suicide is a dreadful choice of that there is no doubt. But it is a even more dreadful statement about the way the community treats each other…via active prejudice or by taking no action
Leesa
I am grieved for Raymond Chase. There is a certain sensitivity which some people are born with, not just gay men. There is a certain crudity and insensitivity in the less enlightened, the less endowed. They can be so cruel.
I can’t even read about these recent suicides because it just hits too close to home. Seven months ago today, my husband and soul mate took his own life. He had struggled with chemical depression his entire adult life, but never got any treatment until the last six years… and I can’t help but wonder how things might have been different if, back when he was in college, someone had understood that he needed help.
And this is part of the awareness that needs to be raised, for gay and straight kids alike. Too many people shrug off serious depression in young people, dismissing at as simply “teenage angst” and assuming that the kids will just get over it in time. Maybe most will. Some won’t.
I’m straight. But I think i’f a person choose’s to like the same sex. Let them. This world is full of different people. I was under the impression that the people are what make a community, and if some of them people like the same sex so what. As long as their happy who cares. I have many friends like that. Some are actually my bestfriends. To judge people like that is wrong because their not judgeing you on the way you smoke, drink, talk, or ETC. They mind their buisness so I think them haters should leave them alone. My brother is bi-sexual and I love him anyways. He’s caring, loving, he’d give his own shoes on his feet for a poor man, and he doesn’t judge anybody for anything.
On the fact that Raymond Chase took his own life, it doesn’t mean that he did it beacuse of insecurity, Or because of the fact that he was gay, because nobody really knows why he did it. He probably commited suicide because of being taunted, picked on, or judged for being gay. I’m pretty sure the number of gay people who commited suicide is just about the same as non gay people who commited suicide. Maybe we should try to make a law or rules on the University of Road Island, and many other colleges to prevent people from taunting people who like the same sex. That will decrease the ammount of gay people get taunted and hopefully the ammount of gay people commiting suicide. I feel that i’f a person kills themself for being gay, the way to prevent this is to have guest speakers who are homosexual, to talk about it. Answer the students questions on being homosexual, and talk about exceptance. They should have guest speakers at all colleges and universitys.
Suicide is like existential theater and seemingly our only way out of The Matrix. I have considered it, still consider it and will likely always consider it. But I am no different than anyone else. We all ask the proverbial question. The only difference is the frequency of which we ask the question. When we ask this question a ratio is presented. Reasons To Be : Reasons Not To Be.
Suicide is the result of the ratio tilting in favor of the “reasons not to be.” The sad thing about stories like this is that it is external influences that help to tilt this ratio. How we feel about the anomaly influences how the anomaly behaves. But notice how they do not lash out against the fearful mass who does not understand them and refuse to, they internalize this rage and we get tragic stories like this one.
Without this young man’s decision to kill himself we would not know of him. There would not be one blog post. No Freshly Pressed entry that we all glom onto. Raymond Chase would just be another gay kid who no one gave a damn about. Not out of malice, but out of justifiable ignorance. These stories captivate us for a reason. And it isn’t just his suicide that has us paying attention, it is the spectacle of the relative similarities…our decision to write about these events creates a “happening” of sorts. A zeitgeist moment. ‘What’s going on here? What can we do to stop this?’Do we really want to stop these things from occurring or do we just want to use these events as platforms to express OUR views? Much like how this response is full of hyperlinks to my blog…a blog that will never be Freshly Pressed…a blog that will never receive the attention these tragic stories receive unless I become a tragic story myself. Of course it would need to be something sensational so that you pay attention. It always has to be sensational. It always has to be sensational. It always has to be sensational.
I think that whether a person is gay or not does not matter. They must be treated as an equal as they are in the eyes of God.
This story hurts me because i have a good number of friends that are both gay, African American and suicidal. Its a big deal in my life if some one were to be mocked enough so that they believe that they do not belong in this life. I feel for any one who feels this way.
How heartbreaking; He seems like a really nice guy. As a Christian, to hear of this really hurts because all life is precious. I am sorry to say that my religion has failed in reaching people, especially hurting people. However, I think there is a way to have convitions and compassion; I pray that I would become one who would by God’s grace. I will pray for his family and no, he’s not just another number.
Grace & Peace,
Robb <
This is all so sad. I went to Rutgers where another story similar to this one happen, and it’s so devastating to know something like this could happen so close to home.
Such a sad story! Sure, he was not a number.
But did we do all the best from ourselves to stop the drama? I believe that the answer in NO!
Therefore let’s try from NOW ON to make a difference and stop the drama and counting suicides!
I am coming near by you and help them, help us!
From Bucharest, ROMANIA
with love and respect
Mbconsulting
It makes me so sad to think about things like this happening, especially to someone who is gay. They get treated not as well as they should, getting calles terrible names that are very very sickening. I dont know what i would do if this was my loved one, or even if i knew them, because even know that i dont know them, when i read this post, i felt very very sad and frustrated with the world. WHY CAN’T EVERYONE BE TREATED THE SAME?!
Very good post, thank-you! RIP all those who we have lost…
I worry that the common bond that men should share is broken a bit and a broken bond weakens everyone.
Thanks for this post!
good luck!
great post! creating awareness on this issue will really be of big help to prevent this from getting worse. i made an article regarding suicide prevention in our place which was published in a local newspaper. it talked about the alarming increase of number of suicide rate. Sadly, most are males. It is even more alarming that since our place is an agricultural land, the victims mostly used farm chemicals to commit suicide, this is very saddening really. let us pin on bigger hopes that this incidents will not grow big in number anymore.
Why can’t people just live together in peace and harmony?
What a sad state of affairs this is. I wish they felt more protected or loved or whatever they needed something like this wouldn’t happen
Things like this really saddens me…
It’s both infuriating and disheartening — really, it’s more than most of us can speak to. Kids have been doing this for so long and it takes a string of “newsworthy” suicides to bring it to the public’s attention, to make the connection. When we try to stop it, we think of limitations, legislation, medication — all the often useless things we can do when a person is already all but lost. It starts so much earlier — when you turn your back on someone or when you are one more voice in a chorus of epithets and jeers — or worse.
You don’t have to push someone or even yell “jump” to have a hand in someone’s death. We need to realize we have a moral responsibility for our effect on people — our words, our actions even the looks we shoot people have some effect on them.
It will never be enough to try to figure out what to do when someone decides they don’t want to live in this world anymore. We need to make the world livable.
so sad……
I would like to invite folk who are feeling confused about suicide to read this post I wrote yesterday:
MY CONDOLENCES