The Little Engine that Could: Family Week Day Six

My favorite book growing up was The Little Engine that Could. It was the most requested bedtime story and I think it has also provided a bit of a narrative for my life. And other than the creepy clown in the illustrations, it always made me happy.

We’ve been through five days and there’s only two more to go. I think I can, I think I can. Growing up gay is a constant reminder of the struggles that little engine faced. Getting knocked down and getting back up again over and over again, whether it’s literal or figurative – it’s something every LGBT person I know can relate to. And when we have kids, they’re sometimes going through the same thing on our behalf – helping to educate on what discrimination does to families like theirs.

The Outspoken Generation is a new program started by Family Equality and chaired by Zach Wahls and Emma Robinson. It’s focus is to provide a platform and guidance for teen children of LGBT parents. This morning we started with a heavily-attended panel featuring several of these well-spoken teens. Emotions ran deep and kids spoke from their hearts about their incredible families. Some kids have been raised in places where they’ve never faced a single adversity regarding their family and others have felt at times that to protect themselves, that they needed to lie about who their parents were.

Coming Out is not just something we do as LGBT people, it was explained by Zach Wahls and other members of the panel that it’s sometimes a similar process for our kids. And like us, we are sometimes faced with communities that are intolerant and even hateful. But as was made evident by the panelists, it seems the younger the kid the more tolerant and supportive our communities have become. The youngest people on the panel spoke about their families and the bigotry shown their parents almost as something you only hear about on television – all their friends and their friends’ families have never treated them as anything but another family in town. So as the panel progressed, it became more clear that through education, and through excellent parenting, the world is changing before our eyes.

If I learned anything from the panel, it’s that the parents of these young people have done an extraordinary job bringing them up.

Following the panel, we began preparations for the Annual Clambake. This is one of Family Equality’s major fundraising events and it’s held in one of the most beautiful places on earth – the base of the iconic Pilgrim Monument.

Roughly 300 made the climb up the hill to the tent next to the 100+ year old tower. Rainbow leis around everyone’s necks and smiles on their faces, they sat down to a lobster dinner. The kids were running circles around the monument and I was able to take photos of some beautiful families with one of the most stunning backdrops I’ve ever seen.

Following some brief remarks from Family Council leadership, a special guest of the event came up to Executive Director Jennifer Chrisler. A lesbian veteran burdened with an oxygen tank, bringing with her an enormous brood of kids said to Jenn “my daughter has something to say to you.” The young teen reached into her canvas purse and handed Jenn a crumpled $20 bill and a handful of change. Choking back tears, Jenn helped her fill out the donation form so the young girl would get proper credit for her contribution.

Dinner was followed by lots of incredible conversations and lively dancing. Please enjoy some of the day’s photos. Many more can be seen at Equality Photography.

 

The Giving Tree: Family Week in Provincetown Day 5

I’m trying to figure out why I’m calling this day The Giving Tree. It’s obviously one of my favorite children’s stories and I’m a fan of pretty much everything Shel Silverstein wrote. I also look at the story as a euphemism for parenting.

This morning, my day started with an emotionally-charged panel featuring kids from Family Equality Council’s “Outspoken Generation.” 7 teen children of LGBT parents were on the panel and it was one of the most heavily-attended events I’d seen all week. The room was packed to overflowing and Dr. Kim Bergman moderated the event. While one of the main draws of the event was Youtube star and author Zach Wahls, all the kids had really poignant and important things to say.

With the recent (and quickly debunked) study from Mark Regnerus has provided a springboard for misinformationists to spread lies and falsehoods about our families. But with these young men and women on the scene, a firsthand experience of being raised by LGBT parents can be told. I’m hoping Family Equality Council lifts up this vital program that’s currently missing from the national dialogue. Every one of the young people on the panel today should be appearing on television wherever we can put them.

Following the panel, Sean and I had scheduled time for some wedding planning and wound up at a tasting at one of the locations we’re thinking of. It seems we have a lot more work to do, but that just means another trip to Ptown this fall! I was also really happy friends Amy, Ty and (an asleep) Declan joined us for a little stroll as well. Wedding advice is always helpful!

The late afternoon and evening activities included a screening of The Muppets, a happy hour for Transgender parents and then a fundraiser comedy night starring Kate Clinton. All were extraordinarily well-attended and Kate’s show was so packed, I got booted from the theatre, so I couldn’t take the photos I was asked to. It looks like Family Equality is having quite a successful week!

The night closed with some drinks with the now-legal Zach Wahls and then a run-in with some old friends from New York. I’m glad the rain seems to be gone as it was one of the most beautiful nights I’ve seen in a long time!

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The Very Hungry Caterpillar: Family Week Day 4

What a day!! There are so many incredible families here. I think probably twice as many as there were last year. It all reminds me of being on Rosie O’Donnell’s R Family Cruise when it was brand new. Seeing so many dads and moms and these kids that nearly every one of them had to fight for. I believe there’s something to be said for that.

How many straight parents can say they had to fight to have their children? Of course there are many, but I don’t know of a single case where a gay or lesbian couple was able to fall into parenting. They all either adopted, worked with a surrogate, had to deal with artificial insemination, or even if they had kids from a previous heterosexual relationship, many live in places where their spouse still isn’t the legal parent of their child. I’m sure there are cases out there where everything worked out swimmingly, but the vast majority of gay parents had to/has to fight to be a parent. I’ve never heard of a gay or lesbian couple having a child by accident. Every one of these kids is wanted, loved and it shows.

This morning, I went back to take some more shots with the Littles. A whole lot more bouncy house time, some bouncy slide time, facepainting, temporary tattoos and pure joy everywhere. I followed that up with a trip to Kidapalooza where everyone was tie-dying t-shirts (or legs and arms if you ask Riane from Family Equality). I stopped to support Cape Cod’s PFLAG group and pick up a gorgeous rainbow sweater for Eli – pictures of that will follow once we return home.

In the afternoon, I got a surprise text from my extraordinarily pregnant friend Amy. She’s amazing and one of my besties from high school. She and her husband Ty and adorable boy Declan were in town for the day and wanted to grab a bite. I was happy to have a little break where I could join them!

Then came the bonfire. Now as history tells it, we’ve never (or at least very infrequently) had a bonfire night that wasn’t at least a little rainy. Last year it drizzled a bit throughout, but I don’t recall it being all that bad. And as of this past weekend, things looked pretty good. No showers in the forecast. But then apparently, someone must have told whoever’s in charge that it was bonfire night. And the rain came. Now the bonfire and s’more-making (with a generous donation from Hershey’s) happens to be the obsession love of Family Equality Council’s Executive Director, Jennifer Chrisler. Unfortunately I’d heard Jenn wasn’t going to be coming to Family Week this year due to the very recent birth of her third little boy, Matthew. But there were then rumblings that she would be here on Wednesday. Why would she come on Wednesday? The day AFTER her beloved bonfire and s’mores??

The bonfires were set-up, with holes dug and fire started by my very own Beyoncé, Family Equality Council’s New Media Manager Sean Carlson. The misty rain was annoying and it was overcast, but it looked like it maybe possibly perhaps could clear up. And it did, briefly anyway. Then in came the families. I was in shock. We all assumed no one would come due to the rain, but there were twice as many there as last year. I was instructed to get photos of the messiest s’moriest faces I could, and it wasn’t hard.

Then the rain turned from a mist to a drizzle. The camera was put away so it still works for the rest of the week. And the s’more-covered kids (and adults) made their way out. Drenched, we worked to extinguish the fires – btw – didn’t know this, but you’re not supposed to just cover a beach fire with sand. You have to put it out with water because the heat from the fire will get trapped under the sand and stay hot for days. Then someone could step on it and get burned. Crazy, right…just a little tip for all you beach fire lovers. And just as we were about to put out the last one, there’s Jennifer Chrisler – also drenched, toasting a soggy marshmallow over the flickering flame. She just couldn’t stay away.

VA’s Gov. McDonnell Playing Politics with Children

The state of Virginia is known historically for leading the way among the southern colonies so that our country could declare our independence from a tyrannical King George.

VA Gov. Bob McDonnell

A few centuries later, the great state of Virginia is now behind the times with the actions of bigoted Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli, who tried to force VA’s colleges to rescind their LGBT-inclusive policies and now GOP Gov Bob McDonnell is set to stop VA’s adoption policies from including lesbian and gay families.

Family Equality Council is leading the fight to educate the Governor on some terrifying statistics. 1 in 3 youth in Virginia’s foster care system wind up aging out of it before ever finding a permanent home. Nearly half of the kids in the system have been in 3 or more homes. Research shows us that youth who age out of foster care without ever finding permanency are at a high risk for poverty, homelessness, incarceration, and early parenthood.

McDonnell is claiming that his decision is to “protect” Catholic charities and other faith-based adoption agencies from being “forced” to give gay parents children. One should note: the current adoption laws include single parents who could be gay or straight.

Family Equality asks the important question: With all of these problems facing the Virginia foster care system, why is the Governor intentionally limiting the number of loving families ready and waiting to adopt?

Please take a moment to visit Family Equality Council’s website here, sign this urgent petition to help these kids and pass it along to your friends.