photo by Jamie McGonnigal, EqualityPhotography.com
After posting a story regarding the census reports from the St. Louis area, finding that many gay and lesbian couples were raising children there, STLToday has posed the question: “Would you allow your kids to play with the kids of gay couples?”
As we’ve seen in recent stories like that of a Colorado Catholic School, or a Catholic School in Hingham, MA, children of LGBT parents are often discriminated against. So the questioned posed by the St. Louis publication is not that far a leap.
And while most readers of this blog are either LGBT themselves or allies to the LGBT community, it’s questions like this which shed light on the bigotry and hatred we face on a daily basis. You’ll find most of the comments already posted at STLToday find the very question to be offensive.
Brad Wolf commented:
“I will not allow my children to play with children of bigots because bigotry is actually a learned trait.”
Donna Savage wrote:
“why not let them play together. homosex— is not contagious.”
And Cynthia Prior added:
“I have seen first hand that many people are afraid to let there children spend the night or hang out at the home of my grandson. I’m not sure why I just know there has been an affect. Perhaps they are not sure of what there children might be exposed to or they don’t know how to explain the difference in the parents.”
While the context of Cynthia’s post was not described, and we’re not sure if her grandson is gay or if his parents are a same-sex couple, it’s clear that whether people find the question offensive or not, it’s a legitimate question that should be addressed. One commenter even mentioned that since comments could not be made anonymously, those who are homophobic are less likely to respond truthfully. Could this be true?
How interesting to see moments like this, or like the National Organization for Marriage trying to hide the names of their major donors for fear they might be seen as the bigots they are? Those who discriminate against LGBT people are afraid of receiving threats, as Anti-Gay Senator Chuck Grassley said in the recent Senate DOMA hearings. He claimed one of his potential witnesses was afraid to testify because she feared for her and her family’s safety. I know very few LGBT people who have not felt threatened at some point – and with good cause considering the violence and murder that has been a part of our everyday lives for generations.
So…would you let your kids play with kids of gay and lesbian parents? And if you’re offended by the question, ask yourself why.
Talk About Equality 
I just stumbled upon your blog, and I must say I’m loving what I’m reading! Anyway..
I would totally let my child play with a child who has gay parents, but then again I support homosexuality too. I was completely appaled by some of the comments from the article, just because your child plays with a child who has gay parents does not mean that your child is becomming gay or bi.
One of my friends told me about her neighbours, a straight couple who has a little son, the man on the relationship had thrown out clothes and toys because he was afraid that if his son wore red shirts and played with dolls, he would become gay.. Sometimes I cry over how horribly closeminded people can be in this world.
Cool question for parents to investigate themselves.
My son had a little friend who’s parents were a lesbian couple.
I liked it – for my son to see there are many different forms of relationships and parents. My son never asked about it – for him it was just that: his friend had 2 mom’s and he himself 1; other kids had a father and a mother. Kids are so great in just accepting things like they are 🙂 It is the adult that complicates things – extremely I might say
I agree with ingridbloemheuvel completely. As an elementary teacher and a bisexual woman, I have experienced first-hand the purity of children’s opinions. They’re not considered about your race, gender, sexuality or religion – they simply like you (or don’t, in rare cases). It is adults who infect our children with poisonous thoughts – and their own opinions and fears.
I saw first-hand how bad they treat each other when I was a child. My uncle and his partner were living together and had an argument that got violent. I’ll never forget it, the blood on the tile floor in the kitchen. I was 8 years old, and things have never been the same for me. I’d rather not have my child go through that experience. This is one of many first-hand experiences I’ve experienced at how they treat each other. For this reason, and many other first-hand experiences I’ve seen, I would not.
So because your uncle and his partner were abusive toward one another, you are stereotyping ALL gay and lesbian couples as violent? I’m sorry you went through what you did, but your conclusion is no different than saying OJ Simpson murdered his wife, African American people should not be able to marry white people because they’ll all murder their spouses.
I am very sorry Brian that you had to view that at such an early and impressionable age, no child should have to witness that.
There are many straight couples that argue and fight Brian, take it from a woman that lived in and survived a violent marriage…Domestic Violence can happen in any home. I know far too many great LGBT couples that are very loving and would never think to harm their partner. Please don’t let one violent act that you saw cloud your judgment on the entire LGBT Community.
When I was a kid I watched my mom beat my dad with a flashlight and a hanger, therefore I would NEVER let my children visit a heterosexual couple! Clearly they are all violent!
Fallacies, like the one you posted, are one of the reasons that the world is as stupid and closed minded as it is.
For me the question is why wouldn’t I?
Exactly!
I am not gay, but I have many many many friends that are!!! I would never keep my children from any of my friends or their children. If we teach our own children acceptance and love for all walks of life regardless of the religion they choose or their sexuality our world can be a better place!! Our children are our future!!!
We as a society strive to to teach our children not to discriminate against others or at least I would if I had kids because I’m part of at least two minorities, three if you count that I’m a woman. Because I’m disabled and bisexual I know what it is like to feel marginalized and thought less of. I would never foster the same attitude in any child that was under my care. We are all humans, we should all learn to play nice no matter who our parents are..
Sure, and I’d even let my child eat over there, or spend the night. I mean, really. One has to look at the families and parent(s) of one’s child’s friends, and make a determination based on things besides sexuality. Is the parent a raving lunatic? Does the parent drink heavily? Is the family abusive? Do they have guns in the house? Will a parent be there? Those are the things I want to know.
Brian had a bad experience, but lots of people have bad experiences, with lots of other people, and most frequently in their own close family. A friend was forced into giving her father oral sex, a cop in town. So does that make all cops bad? Does that make all fathers bad?
Our children [now in their 30s] did. Our house was an important safe place for friends of our daughter. Now she has our grandchild playing with other children without regard to their parents’ genders.
I don’t understand the need to apply labels at all and purely by placing a label such as “gay or lesbian” in the first instance is probably inflammatory itself.
As far as I am concerned we are all human beings and labels don’t matter. perhaps if we taught our children that people wouldn’t need to come up with such lame article titles to spark debate.
I don’t have children, yet. My response would be totally! I want my child/children bought up in an open environment wehre they experience many things. I have gay friends who have children and they are excellent, they are just like any other couple so I would have no hesitation at all!
I certainly would, not only im a pro gay person
but also by denying our kinds to to so we would be fostering discrimination.
so no matter if you see being gay as a crime, discrimination would always be a bigger crime.
Yes, when I’ve my children they would be allowed to play with other children from lgbt couples. I think it’s better to raise them teaching them to stand by freedom, than to raise them teaching them how to hate.
sure why not
I’m too young to have children – moreover, I’m probably closer to the range of the children in question. And this question doesn’t offend me. It upsets me. It makes me sad that there are people that think about things like this. It doesn’t matter.
I myself am a straight woman who is in complete and full support of everyone belonging to the LGBT community. I have many friends that are unsure of their sexuality. Luckily, they seem to surround themselves with confidence and understanding friends.
Anyway, the biggest point I’ve got to contribute to this article is that the fact that a male is into other males or a female is into other females generally will not alter their personalities as to who THEY are. Therefore there’s no reason not to hang out with them even if their sexuality is different than yours.
Sure as hell I would let my kid play with kids of gay or lesbian couples, from my experience they are cooler and wiser and not so “stressed out” (don’t do this, don’t do that, no don’t play in the sand with those trousers, no don’t eat the sand, no don’t make your own experiences etc etc etc) than most of the hetero parents. Also just discovered this coming from Suprbay and really like the design AND the content, keep going!
I was raised in a fairly closed minded and strict family. My parents were great on most points, but they were very discriminatory and even a bit racist. I absolutely don’t want my kids raised in that kind of atmosphere. Two of my closest friends are homosexual and I visit them with my kids whenever I can. Should they choose to raise children of their own, I would absolutely let my kids play with theirs. Bigger things matter when deciding who your kids should play with. Regardless of sexuality, what are they like as parents? There are good LGBT parents and bad ones, just as there are good hetero parents and a fair share of bad ones. By sheltering our kids, especially in this generation, we are simply doing them a great disservice.
I wouldn’t let my daughter play with children associated with a homosexual couple. My wife who is Chinese would have a heart attack over this. Lol
The only thing you’re doing by sheltering your children from families that look different than yours is ensuring your children grow up to realize their parents are bigots.
I am not married ,and have no kids ,but if i had i would definitely let them play with kids of gay couples ,why not ???sexual orientation is not a choice nor it is contagious .some people are born gay and its a fact ,if not ,why homosexuality does exist in extreme islamic countries like iran and pakistan ? if it was a choice only crackpots would chose to be gay in such terrible places where punishment for homosexuality is prison and execution
My 7 year old has a friend with two mothers she wants to play with. I am sure playing at her house will create questions, to which I would openly discuss with her. However, her 3,4 and 6 year old siblings are too immature/young for the discussion that would then ensue. Why would any parent, gay or straight, expose their young children to scenarios you want to steer them clear of?
First of all, no age is too young to let kids know that other kinds of families exist. You’re gonna have to get over that fact real quick.
Secondly, your main problem is that nothing you do or don’t do will make your children “steer clear” of being gay. That’s not how it works. Right now, by sheltering them from people who are different from you isa huge disservice to your children that will only cause them to think of you as a bigot when they get older.